She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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