Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
