she was so not down for the gang bang
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
