How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize