My room smells like vodka and shame
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
