Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
