fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
