Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
pray to the hookup gods
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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