Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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