So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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