I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
