I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
