I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
