also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
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I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i think i just lost a toe
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