did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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