i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
