Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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