you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
