my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
It's shark week go big or go home
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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