I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
