Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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