apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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