So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize