I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
