Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
