I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize