he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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