I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
