Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
