Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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