he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
