she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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