The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
