Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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