and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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