a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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