respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
