I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
