I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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