5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I am midnight drunk by noon
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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