literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
