Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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