My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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