I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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