the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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