Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
