Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
