You can't motorboat a personality
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
