hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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