thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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