Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
