why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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