someone get that fucking seahorse.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im part way to drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
