Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
