sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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