I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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