Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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