stop calling my apartment porn island.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
