Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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