Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
