The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
