Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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