TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
