i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't trust your balls anymore.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
