all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize