do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
